A Tale Of 3 Quizzes

It was last Friday.

I should have known better. The signs were already there .

The whole thing was jinxed right from the Elims of the first quiz. This is a tale of horrors that every quizzer must have gone through at least once in his life. (If he hasn’t, he should; you appreciate good quizzes more..)

1.THE GENERAL QUIZ

Partner in crime- Kaustubh Bhat]

Team Name- Hazaar Chaurasi(1084) Ke Baap

Elims- The elims questions were decent. In fact the best thing about the day. We screwed up some simple ones, and as a result were teetering on the edge of the holy ground. When they announced the cutoff, I was surprised to not hear our names in the qualification lot, since I was sure I had counted right , and our scores were greater..

So out came our sheets. We had Greg Rusedski given wrong cause I had spelled it Ruzedski. Who the fuck gives a question wrong because of spelling! And that too of one letter….

Finals- So  all things done, we are in the finals.

Amongst the weirdest finals I have seen. The pic round didn’t make any sense.
Connect for Meryl Streep and George Bush- Head cheerleaders.  Has to be the most WTF question ever…

Then in the identification questions- we had to identify the guy who had invented condom. Now it wasn’t as if he was wearing one at that time, that we should know who he was.

At least 4-5 more questions like that.

All in all, a forgettable experience.

Standing- 4th after a tie breaker.

2.HARRY POTTER AND FRIENDS QUIZ

Partner in Crime- Suvajit Chakraborty

Team Name- “Vanar Bros.” (Dhaaped from Meghsham)

This is the very definition of a quiz meant for Junta. And the people obliged. It had the biggest turnout amongst the 3 quizzes.

Now much cannot be commented on the questions as they are meant to be esoteric and manoramic in nature.

The only crib was the imbalance in the Rapid fire round, where the difference in difficulty level was too visible. and the same goes for the spells in the Spell Round for Harry Potter.

It was a decent quiz for us , as I realised I haven’t lost my talent in remembering  obscure Friends trivia, right down to the dialogues. We finished 3rd, though IMHO we deserved 2nd spot.

Standing- 3rd place

3. THE BOLLYWOOD QUIZ

Partner in Crime- Suvajit Chakraborty

Team Name- Bollywood Ke Boss (Not too original, I know.)

Ah, this is something that had gotten me to MIT in the first place. Almost a guarantee of winning money, since most of the usual suspects for a bollywood quiz were missing, and me and Suvajit made  a decently strong team for Bollywood.

Elims- The elims were decent, even if a bit too straight forward. They had a couple of controversial questions there.

One was the world record holder for most songs (in 1991) . Now as most of the people I know , who know about this , would agree that it is Asha Bhosale and not Lata. But wikipedia said otherwise, and as a result , so did the quizmasters.

2nd one was a classic example of crowd bullying the quizmaster. The connect was for Bollywood movies directly released in Pakistan. Now Sohni Mahiwal was a part of this. Some bum in the crowd claimed that Naushad was the music director for all of them and hence a valid answer (which is NOT true.). So we have a situation where people who haven’t even written that answer shouting for it to be given right, just cus a MIT team was saying this.

Anyway, the elims were done. We awaited the results (the discussions with other participants revealed that we had topped the elims.)

So names are being announced. 5 teams are done. I am ready to get up, when they announce someone elses name . A shock indeed.

Obviously we started protesting. Our sheet was brought out.

Now this is the singles most stupidest piece of checking that I have ever seen.

For our answers, we had miniscule space to write. As a result I had to write some of them under the given line. So for one answer I had written Sandip Patil above the line and Syed Kirmani below it.

Now people who quiz would know about the Quizzers Ego. You sometimes end up looking condescendingly at non quizzers under some quizzing circumstances. This happened to me at this point of time, though it is justified. One stupid volunteer had the balls to tell me tha I should “Respect the judges decision”. As if there were multiple interpretations possible. He was standing right next to me, and by this time I was so frustated that it took me all the willpower I had to stop myself from punching his teeth out.

After correcting another correct answer given wrong, we were in the finals.

FINALS- Now the basic finals questions were decent (Ok, they werent good, but not too shoddy either, at least relatively they werent. )

The last round, we are leading by 10 points. The last round is Dumb Charades!!!!

WHO THE FUCK HAS A DUMB CHARADES ROUND IN A QUIZ (Open quiz at that).

There were none, but imagine if someone older had shown up. Having to go through this stupid stupid stupid round. Having to flap your arms franatically in front of a bunch of students (a slightly rowdy bunch at that.)

And I still did it. When one is in college, money scores above such petty issues as dignity..

I got NACH MAYURI (2 words which needed a lot of physical actions- not something I was inclined to do in front of a big crowd.)

So for Nach I did this finger action like they do in Bhangra (I CANT DANCE, even if my life depended on it)

NOTE- By this time I had ceased to care about whatever dignity I had left.

Thankfully Suvajit got it immidiately.

Mayuri was difficult. So I am flapping my arms behind my back like a madman to get him to birds.

Now a peacock. I had to show rains and do the stupid flapping thing again.

Again, thankfully Suvajit did not need me to do more embarrasing stuff and got the movie quickly.

We won, but a hollow victory…..

Standing- 1st

PS_ I envy Harish and Gadre for not qualifying. Lucky they were..

It was a horrible experience. One that has scarred me for life. Whatever I do, I can’t think of anything good to say about the whole thing. (Apart from the fact that some cash was won.)

The Kkouple-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named

This was the night before my Information Security exam. Which not-so-koincidentally was a nightmare in itself. But I have a justification for the screw-up.

I was trying to decipher(YES-it is a sad attempt at humour) what Stalling was trying to say in his explaination of AES cipher, when I couldn’t continue and fell asleep.

THE NIGHTMARE-

The Kombining of the two of the most deadliest Kkreatures known to mankind.

(The unstoppable force and the immovable object …)

(K)Ekta Kapoor and ( till now thought of as oh-so-Gay ) Karan Johar.

You kan’t imagine my horror at seeing this disaster happening in front of me. (It was a very realistic dream)

I woke up drenched in sweat. I have been scared ever since. The horrors that the “”Balaji Dharm”" kan unleash are beyond my imagination and comprehension.

I kouldn’t write my paper properly. I kouldn’t see past the K’s in the paper. And to top it all, for one proof, I had to encrypt the letter K.

It’s a sign. The Wheels have been put in motion.

The union has kosmic support. The “Grahas” are in position. It is destiny . It is Kkkkkarma (With some Dharma of kourse..)

BE AFRAID. BE VERY AFRAID……..

[ Wonder what the kouple will be called (Yes I am thinking of Brangelina and Abhi-ash, though such things seem trivial in face of complete anhilation .) ]

(Probably this marriage should be called (A)Kismet Konnection..would guarantee faliure)

Musings

As Nishikant Kamat’s flawed yet wonderful “Mumbai Meri Jaan” closed with Mohammad Rafi’s charming and unforgettable ode to the city, “Yeh Hai Bombay Meri Jaan” , I couldn’t help but wonder…

Would Raj Thackeray ask for “Bombay” to be digitally altered to “Mumbai” in the song?

Dummies Guide To Becoming A Superhero

MOST IMPORTANT, Zeroeth Law- Wear undies over pants. Flashy if possible, unless you want to go the Batman way.

1.Find a weird looking meteorite and touch it, or jump into any weird looking power source you see. Or easiest option, get bug bytes.

2. Find a stupid catch phrase or “iconic line ” (??)- like “With great power comes great responsibility”

3.Choose a city which seems to be the centre of all sorts of alien attacks, and resurrection spot of demons. (Would help if the city was located right on top of some ancient bug city.)

4. Have a lame alternate personality. Unless of course you are Bruce Wayne, in which case- Dude, you are a billionare, why wear tight black clothes(Which look as if shoplifted from a S&M shop) at night.??

5.Make sure you have a female interest on both sides of the law.

6.Have a tragic past- If you don’t, then invent one.

7.Have stupid rules like  A]Not killing people.   B]Always flying on the right hand side of the track.

8.Make sure you have a friend who has the potential to go bad, and fast. Otherwise the lack of personal tragedy might put off viewers.

9.If you are a female looking to be a superhero- follow the Wonder Woman model of clothing.

10.Remember that if you are using rope/web for flying from one point to another, even if you have nothing on top of you, you can still dangle and jump straigh as an arrow.

11.For new villain creation, put people in jail who have kids with superpowers.

12. Make sure you crossover into someone else’s story.

13.Have epilogues stinkier than a baboons backside. (Though I believe nothing can beat SORRY SHAKTIMAAN) In case I offended you, Sorry Shaktimaan.

14.And last but not the least, always have a weakness that can be exploited (apart from gulliability of course) . No one likes it if you are invincible.

The Rebuffed Knight

It happened on a Saturday.

Our protagonist The Not-So-Lucky Irishman had just bought half of the supermarket and was going home. The rain gods were smiling . It was beautiful.

It was drizzling outside.  Not the stinging drizzle , but the soft raindrops from heaven. The world felt like a kaleidoscope. He was the ruler of all that is chirpy and wet. He was literally “cantering” his way home. A spring in his step.

And then he saw her. The damsel in distress. There was this poor girl trying to change her tire (He assumed a puncture was the culprit.) .She was still wearing her helmet, which made him wonder if she had boinked Darth Vader.

He  shoos such thoughts outside. The Walter Raliegh inside him had awakened. He sprinted to help her.

This is where the Utopia got distorted.

He went up to her and asked her in his deepest of voices (as if this would make her think of him as Sean Connery, though now that I think of it , it sounded more like Darth Vader ..) if she needed any help . He was expecting a loving ,grateful gaze.  She took off her helmet.

His Juliet turned out to be the Ms.Darth Vader herself.

She lashed out at him with a flurry of adjectives not suitable for anyone, let alone a rather hot looking female. I don’t exactly remember what she said, It’s a bit like “Joker” for me- One time I remember it this way, one time some other way..

But it went a bit like this  (Heavily censored version)-

What!? I don’t need any help. You guys. You see a girl and you have make a move. Rascals.

Now usually the first one to talk back, I was too flabbergasted to reply, my faith in the feminity diminshed, the chivalry knocked out of me with one solid Ali style punch.

And this was the end of the Walter Raeligh inside me….

What If….

Wonder what would happen if….

- Someone ate Hannibal Lecter’s liver with Fava beans and a nice Chianti ?

- Someone roundhouse kicked Chuck Norris’ head off ?

- Someone groped Arnold Schwarzenegger ?

- Someone “did” Bill Clinton when he was an intern ?

- Steven Segal could act ?

- Tom Cruise had to go to a therapist and lie down on a couch. Now we all know that it is for jumping, not sleeping .

- Someone murders OJ because she found he was cheating on her.

- Ekta Kapoor actually watched what she is producing. (She would probably kill herself.)

- Bhajji is slapped by someone?

- Karan Johar was gay!? (Ok, this is a bogey.)

-Jose Murinho admitted that his team deserved to lose.

- Rajnikanth and Kamal Hasan did a movie together, with Jayalalitha as the heroine.

- Bush had any measurable IQ.

-Pamela Anderson never went from ‘B’ to ”DD” to ‘F’ to god knows where…

- Mallika Sherawat was in a movie with Ayatollah Khomeini.

- CPI realized that Communism is dead.

- India went to war with Italy with Sonia memsaab as the PM.

- Devegowda had morals.

- Aamir Khan started another game show– The Ace Khan maybe..

- This post made any sense…..

PS_ I am pleased to inform everyone that the Lambs have indeed stopped screaming.

Obstacle Course

Anyone who has ever walked on PMC’s red sidewalks must have gone through something akin to a military obstacle course. Bhajiwalas, Puncture shops, Couples who refuse to find a cosier place.

I have found a new weapon in the arsenal of the god of bad luck. Dog poop.

Anyone who walks a dog should be made to pick it up. People squirm when they see someone else spitting and call it uncivilized. But the same people have no issues if their pedigree mutt is dumping away to glory on the sidewalk.

Talk about hypocrisy…….

No Smoking ?!?

I am surprised that the “all censoring” EYE of Ramadoss hasn’t turned its all powerful gaze towards the issue of smoking. The “real” issue (This is to distance this particular article from the bollywooddesque shenanigans of Mr. AR ).

The weirdest thing is that one is not even allowed to carry a bottle of liquor if others can see it. You need a “kaalikh” bhara plastic bag for that.(I am not sure of legality or otherwise of this particular issue.)

But there is no such restriction on Cigarettes.

Drinking in public is illegal…Although drinking does not harm others. The same cannot be said about smoking. Smoking in public is perfectly legal , albeit much more harmful. I am really shocked no one really brought up the issue of passive smoking . Specially Mr. A R

I firmly believe that Ramadoss is nothing but a publicity seeking, egoistic, power mad, stupid ,moronic Monkey, who refuses to look at real issues. I am appalled at Manmohan Singh and his govt. for allowing him to go on with his ways as long as he has.

But then what do I know. I don’t know anything about smoky details and whims of the exalted circles of the ones with the power.

PS____Thanks to Abhishek, I just found out that Smoking is indeed illegal in public. But this kinda helps my case.

The law is as effective as the one which makes Helmets compulsory in Maharashtra.

PPS_ I have seen loads of Policeman smoking in public. Sad…

The Bearded Assassin/Messiah

A friend of mine (read Zizou) is in Amrika right now. He bought a T-Shirt with this quote on it–

If you can see Chuck Norris, Chuck Norris can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris, you may only have seconds to live.

He also lead me to this site called Chuck Norris Facts.<The source of the above mentioned quote> It is hilarious.

My personal favorite (and apparently Chuck Norris’ too) is this —

“They once tried to carve Chuck Norris’s face into Mount Rushmore, but the granite wasn’t hard enough for his beard.”

The Chronicles Of The Stupid Kind III- From The Horse’s Mouth

I seem to have outdone myself this time.

I should have seen it coming though. There were signs. It was only yesterday that I had my first, and as it turned out, last warning. I was coming back home after a cup of coffee with a friend.

Now what one should know , is that , there is a park near my house. So you get all sorts of things around it, like an occasional madari, and an ever present Horse ride.

So just when I took a turn near my house, it was ‘aaaaaaaaaaaaa’ ,

The damn horse was almost at the corner on the right side and I almost had a head on collision with it. But , the gods were smiling, and I came through unscathed .

Fast forward to the next day i.e. yesterday. I was coming back from the bank. Now , I have a habit of listening to my i-pod during driving. (Not a good habit, I know.) So, here I was, happy in my own world, happily driving along. I turned near my house, (again) , and what was I facing? The side of the same damn fucking horse. And BANG!. I had my face in its side (thankfully it wasn’t its backside.) and my bike gone through, under it.

So, here I am. been there (Horse’s side), and done that (Given it a hickey on the side).

<Horsebite leaves a horrible aftertaste. >

I really raised my game to another level this time.