Billions Of Billious Blue Blistering Barnacles

For a long time I had believed that “Jaani Dushman”(the new one) was the most hopelessly , stupidly , ridiculous movie ever (albeit entertaining) .

But then our own Bharat (A sad Manoj Kumar secretly trying to wipe his nose by covering his face.) came up with the masterpiece KALYUG AUR RAMAYAN. Here is the synopsis. It does not do justice to the over the top dancing. The brilliant moments(IMO) are noted after the synopsis–

Bhagwan Shri Ram would like his param-bhakt (Chief Devotee) Shri Hanuman to tour Kalyugic (Dark-aged) Hindustan, and himself witness the regression that has taken over this once peaceful, orderly, and religious country. Upon arrival in his present heavenly form, Shri Hanuman is mistaken by Police Inspector Thakur Hanuman Singh, to be a spy from a foreign country, and he gets on the run until Shri Ram changes his appearance to a wealthy man named Pavan Kumar, thus making him elude the police. Pavan meets with a man named Dashrath, who has two sons Raman and Dhaman. While Raman is married to Sarita, Dhaman is currently wooing Nirmala, and Dashrath’s wife is the fashionable Kamla, who looks more like Dashrath’s daughter. Things are not well in this family, as Kamla would like her ailing mother-in-law to turn over the family jewels, deities, and diamonds in her care – in vain though. So she maliciously gets Dashrath to sign over his entire estate in her name – leaving him penniless. Pavan attempts to set things right for this family, but greed, avarice, and lust have already overcome them to such an extent that he must use his heavenly powers to control them. Shri Ram, who feels that Pavan should not have used his powers to change the course of events, has his powers taken away, leaving him a mere mortal at the mercy of Kamla, Sarita, Raman, Dhaman, and a notorious smuggler Bhairo Singh – who is none other than the reincarnation of Lord Ravan himself.

THE MOMENTS__

1. The now patented Manoj Kumar secret nose wipe.

2.Manoj Kumar dancing with a belle, shaking his belly and singing “Bolo ram Chandra Ki Jai’ while the lovely lass tries to seduce..Although Manjor Kumar looked so old I doubt he could even see her..

3.Bindu failing to realize that she is old .. Guess that is enuf.

4.A hammed out Satish Shah(Inspector Thakur Hanuman Singh ) blaming Manoj Kumar (aka the actual Hanuman) for being blasphemous.

5.Manjo Kumar’s cliche’d lecture about the way societ is losing its way and stuff. (You want to kill yourself 15 seconds into it.)

I have never been a Manoj Kumar fan…cause I think he can’t act. As simple as that. I appreciate his efforts involving Patriotic movies, but even they were to hammed and badly implemented.

This movie changed my views though. Manoj Kumar is the most talented Comic ever. This movie was the visual meaning of “So bad that its good.” . if you ever have a chance to watch this movie, don’t miss it. Get your popcorn and cola and hold on to your seat , cus you are in for a mytho-magical ride ..

PS_ “GUNDA” has not been compared to “Jaani Dushman” and “Kalyug aur Ramayan” because I personally don’t think that Gunda was bad. It is poetry in motion. (Just listen to the dialogues and you will know what I mean.)

PPS_ I just found out that the “story” is by a shadily named Dr. Dawood Kashmiri.