Billions Of Billious Blue Blistering Barnacles

Bashi Bazooks, Sea Gherkins, Nincompoops, Aztecs!!

Archive for August 2008

Musings

leave a comment »

As Nishikant Kamat’s flawed yet wonderful “Mumbai Meri Jaan” closed with Mohammad Rafi’s charming and unforgettable ode to the city, “Yeh Hai Bombay Meri Jaan” , I couldn’t help but wonder…

Would Raj Thackeray ask for “Bombay” to be digitally altered to “Mumbai” in the song?

Written by yasho

August 31, 2008 at 6:51 pm

Posted in Uncategorized

Dummies Guide To Becoming A Superhero

leave a comment »

MOST IMPORTANT, Zeroeth Law- Wear undies over pants. Flashy if possible, unless you want to go the Batman way.

1.Find a weird looking meteorite and touch it, or jump into any weird looking power source you see. Or easiest option, get bug bytes.

2. Find a stupid catch phrase or “iconic line ” (??)- like “With great power comes great responsibility”

3.Choose a city which seems to be the centre of all sorts of alien attacks, and resurrection spot of demons. (Would help if the city was located right on top of some ancient bug city.)

4. Have a lame alternate personality. Unless of course you are Bruce Wayne, in which case- Dude, you are a billionare, why wear tight black clothes(Which look as if shoplifted from a S&M shop) at night.??

5.Make sure you have a female interest on both sides of the law.

6.Have a tragic past- If you don’t, then invent one.

7.Have stupid rules like  A]Not killing people.   B]Always flying on the right hand side of the track.

8.Make sure you have a friend who has the potential to go bad, and fast. Otherwise the lack of personal tragedy might put off viewers.

9.If you are a female looking to be a superhero- follow the Wonder Woman model of clothing.

10.Remember that if you are using rope/web for flying from one point to another, even if you have nothing on top of you, you can still dangle and jump straigh as an arrow.

11.For new villain creation, put people in jail who have kids with superpowers.

12. Make sure you crossover into someone else’s story.

13.Have epilogues stinkier than a baboons backside. (Though I believe nothing can beat SORRY SHAKTIMAAN) In case I offended you, Sorry Shaktimaan.

14.And last but not the least, always have a weakness that can be exploited (apart from gulliability of course) . No one likes it if you are invincible.

Written by yasho

August 28, 2008 at 7:33 pm

The Rebuffed Knight

with 4 comments

It happened on a Saturday.

Our protagonist The Not-So-Lucky Irishman had just bought half of the supermarket and was going home. The rain gods were smiling . It was beautiful.

It was drizzling outside.  Not the stinging drizzle , but the soft raindrops from heaven. The world felt like a kaleidoscope. He was the ruler of all that is chirpy and wet. He was literally “cantering” his way home. A spring in his step.

And then he saw her. The damsel in distress. There was this poor girl trying to change her tire (He assumed a puncture was the culprit.) .She was still wearing her helmet, which made him wonder if she had boinked Darth Vader.

He  shoos such thoughts outside. The Walter Raliegh inside him had awakened. He sprinted to help her.

This is where the Utopia got distorted.

He went up to her and asked her in his deepest of voices (as if this would make her think of him as Sean Connery, though now that I think of it , it sounded more like Darth Vader ..) if she needed any help . He was expecting a loving ,grateful gaze.  She took off her helmet.

His Juliet turned out to be the Ms.Darth Vader herself.

She lashed out at him with a flurry of adjectives not suitable for anyone, let alone a rather hot looking female. I don’t exactly remember what she said, It’s a bit like “Joker” for me- One time I remember it this way, one time some other way..

But it went a bit like this  (Heavily censored version)-

What!? I don’t need any help. You guys. You see a girl and you have make a move. Rascals.

Now usually the first one to talk back, I was too flabbergasted to reply, my faith in the feminity diminshed, the chivalry knocked out of me with one solid Ali style punch.

And this was the end of the Walter Raeligh inside me….

Written by yasho

August 20, 2008 at 5:33 pm