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Archive for the ‘My Whimsical Philosophies’ Category

The Sperm Betrayal

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Today this blogger,driven by boredom and what seems like an early form of Alzheimer or Schizophrenia (since I couldn’t think of a better explanation for this pointless post) , discovers the ugly truth behind the murky world of Sperms.

It is widely believed that Sperms are the ultimate commies, working for the greater good. All but one sacrificing themselves for the ultimate goal, fertilization.

They work together to break the egg’s protective wall so that one of them can get through.

But I disagree.

I believe sperms are nothing but people running for their lives, where the first one to reach the safe spot just presses “Delete All”. They work together, spend almost all their lives together, but once a small opening is created and one of those backstabbing bastards gets through, its chaos outside. An alarm is triggered which basically kills all the other sperms. It is sad and unfortunate that the basis of life is the betrayal of a sacred brotherhood . (Or as one would say “Hoes before bros!”). And to think that we are expected to be not selfish, when the reason we are here is because one dhokhebaaz was able to give his comrades a slip and send them on the highway to hell.

*Those who know me would have probably seen the Highway To Hell line coming ….*

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Written by yasho

January 16, 2009 at 5:17 am

The Wishing Well-I

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The recent success of my wishes (Man U winning, and the rain gods smiling) has prompted me to go OTT and make a list of my wishes for the rest of the year..

Here’s to hoping that the Three Witches stitch what I want–

1. One of my more immediate concerns– I get a good project (I am hoping for Calsoft/Persistent.)

2.I get a decent job during the placements.

3.I score well in CAT. (Which is all the more necessary in case Wish 2 is not fulfilled properly.)

4.Ronaldo stays at Man U .

5. If 4!=True (for non CS people.. != means – not equal to) then he is sold for at least a 100 Million.

6. Lionel Messi comes to Man U . (I can wish, can’t I)

7. Spain /Netherlands win the Euro 2008. Both of the teams play wonderful football , and don’t have much to show for it. They definitely deserve more.

8. Italy DO NOT win the Euro. (They play tooo negatively and have filth like Mattarazzi.)

9. Pavel Nedved plays for the Czechs in the Euro.

10.Mumbai Indians/Rajasthan Royals win the IPL.

11.Dark Knight proves to be as good a movie as it seems.

12.Same for Sarkar Raj and Indian(a) Jones.

13. Sreesanth is given a hefty punishment and fine. He is too obnoxious,egoistic,arrogant annoying and irritating. Needs to learn a lesson.

Written by yasho

May 23, 2008 at 3:18 pm

We, The Hoes

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Sorry for the slightly obscene title.

This post is prompted by Arnolds tagline which read “I am doing something I don’t like and getting paid very little for it”.

I guess this is true for more or less all of us. No one really is doing something they really would have liked to.

In effect , all of us are whores. Figuratively at least . After all, we do our jobs mostly just for money’s sake.

Whatever happiness or sense of achievement is found in academic excellence is more often than not a truce with the circumstances. Everyone knows that this is their only option. Not graduating is not really going to help with the money aspect. So what we do is try to find something that we hate/dislike the least . And think of that as something we love. But most of us , if given a chance, would love to do something which people normally don’t do for a living. Like sports , arts , even writing. Lack of talent or lack of guts (and parental support) ends up in everyone going down the same path.

You graduate, job , post graduate, job. So finally the biggest reason of working and everything is Money.

I doubt if anyone disagrees with this.

So aren’t all of us whores finally ? With our families and educational institutes bearing the burden of being the PIMPS…..?

Written by yasho

May 15, 2008 at 4:33 am

The Whole Shebang-A Conspiracy Theory

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With everyone saying how shameful, the whole thing has been and that both Bhajji and the Malyalee Monkey are responsible for it (One of them more than the other.)and that both have come out for the worse (as analysed By Ramanand).

Physical violence has no place in cricket, and that Harbhajan should face the music.

But because of the carefully developed and ridiculously weird thinking pattern that I have , I disagree.

So this is my way of supporting the likes of India TV and other channels (Nothing compares to India TV though) and there a la’ juggernaut ,search for sensational news (found or made, doesnt make much difference) I am writing the following part–

A CONSPIRACY THEORY

I think the whole thing is an orchestrated event. As everyone had seen, after the initial matches , the ratings and the attendance had been falling, because the novelty factor was gone.

So what does Mr.Modi decide to do.

A controversy. Nothing grabs you by the balls as hard as a juicy controversy.

So he asks Bhajji to step up for the collective good and be the “Bali Ka Bakra”. Me thinks Bhajji is being compensated well for doing this and facing the ban. As for Sreesanth, this might have been a pathetic attempt at rebuilding his image. Going from a smoke sprouting (I dont think there ever was any fire to back it) ,dancing , boastful monkey to a 4 year old who is crying cause he got slapped.

There are so many signs that this is an acted event.

Why would Bhajji go and slap Sreesanth? Too unprofessional for anyone.

Why didn’t our fireband retaliate. Any normal person on being hit retaliates.

Why is everything being done behind the doors?

Why did the “K-League” dialogue of “Bade Bhayya” came into the play?

Why are there claims of Punching AND slapping now?

The most reasonable explanation is that Modi wants to make it a masala blockbuster, with something for everyone.

The fans have their cricket.

The ladies have their soap style drama and sentiments.

The non-cricket fans get to see a fusion of cricket and “muay thai” (Thai Kick Boxing).

A diabolical plan indeed Mr.Modi, Bravo.

PS_ My suspicions will be confirmed if they start advertising their matches as “Rumble In The Jungle” etc. etc. .

Written by yasho

April 28, 2008 at 3:44 am

Fair & Lovely

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I had been thinking about writing on this topic for a long time . But I decided to wait in light of some recent events involving Hindi Expletives being mistaken for with an unfortunate (and due to the comparision, irate) armpit scratching , butt sniffing, fruit eating primate!

HERE GOES NOTHING —–I believe that Indian Society is one of the most racist societies in the world . And most of us are nothing but a bunch of hypocrites.

For one to identify with this view, one has to understand my definition of “Racism”.

Racism for me is a micro-entity. As in, it doesn;t have to cover huge areas. A race is not defined by the area it covers, but by the differences they have with others. India is a mixture of huge number of races. Racism is also colour based discrimination. Now although in normal jobs colour has no relevance , our society is still bound in the shackles of “Fair & Lovely” . For us anyone who is fair is good looking and with a few exceptions anyone dark is ugly,,or at least not good looking.

All these insensitive ads on TV, like the one showing a guy to be mistaken for a valet when dark and a hero when fair. This is ridiculous and really insensitive, and more importantly it stresses on the point that color is all that matters. Pushing kids (hell even adults aren’t free from this) towards hollow superficial outlook towards beauty. The number of “Fairness” (ironically I couldnt think of anything more unfair) products in the market proves that we are, deep down, nothing but racists ourselves.

Then isn’t it hypocritical of us to complain of racism outside, on cricket grounds, in houses full of mindless has-beens and nobodies trying to resurrect their careers with cheap publicity stunts.

What gives us the divine right of saying this is right, while that is wrong?

Written by yasho

April 9, 2008 at 2:29 am

Quotes

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He was so sexist, that he turned gay………

Written by yasho

February 20, 2008 at 5:47 am

When The World Was Still New

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I am one of those people who doesn’t really like kids much. Babies are wonderful. But kids…….dunno.. They are too noisy, too hyperactive and too “kiddish”.

I refrain from paying any attention unless and until they are on a mission to destroy my possessions. But for a change I decided to pay attention to them during my brother’s wedding .

Now what follows is just my interpretation. Maybe it is right or maybe it is just me acting too smart…

I always wondered why kids get excited about the smallest of things. Why switching on a fan gives them more pleasure than what Edmund Hilary felt after climbing Everest. The only conclusion I could come to, was this…..

The world is still new to them. Everything around them has a novelty value. Each chore an adventure. Each pat on the back akin to an award. It still excites them. Gives them a thrill that cannot be described. They still have a pure optimistic view of life.

We grown ups rarely stop and think about everyday wonders of life. Too busy making it more complex than it is. Giving it more importance than it deserves. Enjoying it less that what it deserves. We develop a cynical and sardonic view about life. A curse of the world around us…

The responsibilities , pressure of expectations, fear of failure. We become too “intelligent” for our own good. A kid sees more good in life than we will ever do. Even the most optimistic of us would be a pessimistic between a bunch of 5 yrs old. Pessimism is not a way of living or thinking. It’s just what we get out of life, living for a certain number of years. We want too many things out of life. Our happiness governed by too many factors.

I miss that thrill. The first bicycle ride, the first zoo trip. Somehow life has become too big for such things……..

Written by yasho

January 21, 2008 at 3:42 am